T. and C.

T.

I’ve been thinking about her a lot, lately.

I’m not really sure why. I know I do not want her in my life again, let alone near anyone in my polycule. But I can’t stop my thoughts, can I? And so I let my mind wander in the memories.

Her place, her cat cuddled on my jacket, her car, her mouth, how we would talk about him instead, how she struggled with letting me do what I wanted that one time, how she took control so easily all the other times, how she introduced me to her friends and then disappeared.

But most of all, I think of her moans. The little whimpers she would let out. I guess I just miss the sapphic sex and she’s the last person I’ve had that with? I’m not sure. It may just be that I miss her.

She made me suffer a fair bit though, I don’t want that again. Not for myself, not for him, not for anyone else that may come along in this journey. And I’m having a few new crushes rising in my guts, people I’ve started thinking about differently. I wouldn’t want them to meet her nor to meet me with that kind of pain inside.

She’s not evil. She’s just… Well, I don’t know what she is. Just that she’s not for me.

I was tempted to text her yesterday. I didn’t, but I did something else. Or rather, I texted someone else. It wasn’t exactly a text either, I sent her a song I thought she would like.

C.

It’s not that I don’t think about her, it’s just different. There was never something between us, good nor bad. But that nothing was nice. And I miss it. Then again, there’s a reason nothing happened and it’s a better reason than whatever it was that was going on with that other girl. So it’s fine. I’m good with this. Just sometimes, I send her a song.

 

10/07/2024